Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Physically and Mentally Exhausted

I am a very tired mom. I may be a stay at home mom, but a stay at home mom is more than a full time job. My job starts around 7:00 in the morning and ends at 8:30-9:00 at night, especially when Bryant is out of town.

When I worked part time and stayed home part time with Bryson; that was just wonderful. I had just him and I could have time with him, teach him things, play with him and so much more. Now, I stay home full time and we have three kids and I have this guilt that just clings inside me about not spending enough time with my kids, especially with Bryson who is demanding more attention. Bryson is thirsting for that one on one attention from us. When Bryant is home, it makes life easier because he can give Bryson the attention he needs. I want to give it to him and try to every chance I get. Does he resent me because he sees the girls getting most of the attention between feeding bottles, holding one while crying, changing diapers, feeding them their food and so on? I just don't know where his anger is coming from. I never imagined our little boy slamming doors, banging on walls, screaming out-loud for some reason we don't understand, not answering our questions, not engaging in conversation, not looking at us when we speak to him, and so much more. I try to talk to him and ask him questions every chance I get. I just don't seem to get the response I am looking for in a 3 1/2 year old. I hardly ever get a response out of him. Even when it is something simple such as-how was your day at school? Or, what picture did you color? Nothing.

Bryson is scheduled for his second hearing appointment on February 1st. It may not be a hearing loss, but we think it is wise to get him checked out just because I have a hearing loss. Also, the Dr. referred us to a Pediatric Developmental Center and we found out the waiting period is two to three months. No Way can I wait that long! Thankfully, we can go another route. We are waiting to hear back from the Johnston county public preschool system about getting him fully evaluated. It could be something simple as needing to work with him in a different approach. The bottom line is that it is something. More than likely, something small. As a mom, I am so very anxious.

At the same time, we try to give our girls the attention they need. What two sweet little blessings they are! No, not double the trouble...double the fun! We love ALL our children and we treasure every moment with them. Life may be crazy, but we love it. And one more thing, we would not make it through these crazy days without the most important person. Can you guess who that is??

God, our Father!

"I Can do all things through Christ who strengthens me"
-Philippians 4:13

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